9-5, Calandrino is in love with a certain damsel

NOVEL V. 

Calandrino is in love with a certain damsel; Bruno prepares a charm for her, by virtue of which she follows him, and they are found together by his wife. 

Neifile's short novel being concluded, without either too much talk or laughter, the queen ordered Fiammetta to follow, which she did cheerfully in this manner: - There is nothing, be it ever so often repeated, but will please always if mentioned in due time and place. When I consider, therefore, the intent of our meeting, which is only to amuse and divert ourselves whilst we are here, I judge nothing either ill-timed or ill-placed which serves that purpose. So, though we have had much about Calandrino already, yet I will venture to give you another story concerning him; in relating which, were I disposed to vary from the truth, I should carefully have disguised it under very different names; but, as romancing upon these occasions greatly lessens the pleasure of the hearer, I shall report it in its true shape, relying on the reason before assigned. 

Niccolo Cornacchini, a fellow citizen of ours, was a very rich man. Amongst his other estates he had one at Camerata, where he built a mansion, and agreed with Bruno and Buffalmacco to paint it; but there being a great deal of work, they took Nello and Calandrino to assist them. As some of the chambers were furnished, and there was an old woman to look after the house, a son of this Niccolo's named Filippo, a gay young gentleman, would frequently bring a mistress thither for a day or two, and then send her away. Amongst the rest that used to come with him, was one Niccolosa, an agreeable and facetious woman enough, who going from her chamber one morning, in a loose, white bedgown, to wash her hands and face at a fountain in the court, it happened that Calandrino was there at the same time, when he made his compliments to her, which she returned with a kind of smile at the oddity of the man. Upon this he began to look wistfully at her, and seeing she was very handsome, he found pretences for staying, yet durst not speak a word. Still her looks seemed to give him encouragement, and the poor fellow became so enamoured, that he had no power to leave the place, till Filippo chanced to call her into the house. Calandrino then returned to his friends in a most piteous taking, which Bruno perceiving, said, "What the devil is the matter with you, that you seem to be in all this trouble?" He replied, "Ah! my friend, if I had any one to assist me, I should do well enough." - "As how?" - "I will tell you," he replied. "The most beautiful woman you ever saw, exceeding even the fairy queen herself, fell in love with me just now as I went to the well." - "Wheugh!", said Bruno, "you must take care it be not Filippo's mistress." - "I believe it is the same," he replied; "for she went away the moment he called her: but why should I mind that." Was she a king's, I would lie with her, if I could" - "Well," quoth Bruno, "I will find out who she is, and if she proves the same, I can tell you in two words what you have to do; for we are well acquainted together: but how shall we manage, that Buffalmacco may know nothing of the matter Ì I can never speak to her but he will be present." - "As to Buffalmacco," said he, "I am in no fear about him; but we must take care of Nello; he is my wife's relation, and would spoil our whole scheme." 

Now Bruno knew Niccolosa, very well, and when Calandrino was gone out one day, to get a sight of her, he acquainted Buffalmacco and Nello with the affair, and they agreed together what was to be done. Upon Calandrino's return, therefore, Bruno whispered him, and said, "Have you seen her?" - "Alas! I have, and she has slain me outright." 

- "I will go and see," said Bruno, "whether she be the person I mean; if she be, you may leave the whole to me." So he went and told Filippo and Niccolosa what had passed, and laid a plot with them for making sport of the enamoured Calandrino. He then came back, and said, "It is the same, therefore we must be very cautious; for if Filippo should chance to find it out, all the water in the river would never wash off the guilt in his sight. But what shall I say to her on your part?" - "First, you must let her know," said Calandrino, "that she shall have much joy, and pleasure without end, and afterwards that I am her most obedient servant, and so forth. Do you understand?" - "Yes," quoth Bruno, "I do, and you may now trust me to manage for you." 

When supper-time arrived, they left their work, and went down into the court, where they found Filippo and his mistress waiting to make themselves merry with the poor man. Calandrino began at once to ogle her in such a manner that a blind man almost must have perceived it; and she encouraged him with all her heart, thinking it capital fun, whilst Filippo pretended to be talking to Buffalmacco and the others, as if he saw nothing of the matter. After some time the painters left the place, to Calandrino's great vexation, and as they were returning to Florence, said Bruno to Calandrino, "I tell you now, that you have made her melt like ice before the sun; do but bring your guitar, and play her a tune, and she will throw herself out of the window to you." - "Do you think so?" - "Most certainly," replied the other. - "Well," quoth Calandrino, "who but myself could have made such a conquest in so short a time? I am not like your young fellows that whine for years together to no manner of purpose. Oh! you would be vastly pleased to hear me play and sing: besides, I am not old, as you suppose. She saw this at once; but I will convince her still better of it if once I get her unto my clutches. 

By the Lord I'll please her so that she will run after me as a mother does after her child." - "Oh, you'll touzle her no doubt," said Bruno; "I fancy I see you with those teeth of yours like lutepegs, biting her little vermilion lips, and her cheeks that looks like two roses, and then munching her all over." Calandrino taking all this in earnest, fancied himself at the sport already, and began to sing and dance about as if he would jump out of his skin. The next morning he carried his instrument with him, and diverted them all very much with his minstrelsy; and not a bit could he work, for he was every moment running to the window, and to the door, in hopes to see his charmer. Bruno carried all his messages, and answered them too as from her; and when she was not there, he would bring letters, purposing to give her admirer hopes that she would soon gratify his desires, but that then she was with her relations, and could not see him. 

Thus Bruno and Buffalmacco diverted themselves at Calandrino's expense for some time, often getting from him presents to give the lady, such as a comb, a purse, a knife, or such nicknacks, for which Bruno brought him in return counterfeit rings of no value, with which he was vastly delighted. Besides all these things they got many a good treat and presents out of him, that they might be sedulous in attending to his business. The affair had gone on in this manner for two months, when seeing that the work was nearly finished, and imagining that unless he brought his love to a conclusion before that time, he should làave no opportunity of doing it afterwards, he began to be very urgent with Bruno about it. When Niccolosa next came there, Bruno had a talk with her and Filippo. Then he went to Calandrino, and said to him, "Look you, comrade, this lady has made us a thousand promises to no purpose, so that it appears to me as if she only did it to lead us by the nose: my advice, therefore, is, that we make her comply, whether she will or not." - "Odds life! let us do it out of hand," cried Calandrino. - "But," says Bruno, "will your heart serve you to touch her with a certain charm that I shall give you?" - "You need not doubt that." "Then, you must procure me a little virgin-parchment, a living bat, three grains of incense, and a consecrated candle." All that night was Calandrino employed in catching a bat, which at length he brought with the other things to Bruno, who went into a room by himself, scribbled some odd characters upon the parchment, and gave it him, saying, "All you have to do is to touch her with this, and she will do that moment what you would have her. Therefore, if Filippo should go from home, take an opportunity to steal up to her, and having touched her, then go into the barn, which is a most convenient place for your purpose, whither she will follow you, and then you know that you have to do." Calandrino received the charm with great joy, saying, "Let me alone for that." Meanwhile Nello, whom he was most afraid of, and who was as deep as any in the plot, went, by Bruno's direction, to Calandrino's wife, at Florence, and said to her, "Cousin, you have now a fair opportunity to be revenged on your husband, for his beating you the other day without cause: if you let it slip, I will never look upon you more, either as a relation or a friend. He has a mistress, whom he is frequently with, and at this very time they have made an appointment to meet; then pray be a witness to it, and correct him as he deserves." This seemed to her beyond a jest. "Oh, the villain! " She said. "But I will pay him off all old scores." Accordingly, taking her hood, and a woman to bear her company, she went along with him; and when Bruno saw them at a distance, he said to Filippo, 'see, our friends are coming; you know what you have to do." On this, Filippo went where Calandrino and the people were at work, and said, 

"Masters, I must go to Florence; you will take care not to be idle when I am away." He then went and hid himself in a place where he might see what passed. As soon as Calandrino thought he was far enough off, he went into the court, where he found the lady all alone. She, well knowing what he meant to do, approached him, looking more than usually gracious. Calandrino touched her with the writing, and immediately moved off, without saying a word, towards the barn, Niccolosa followed him in, and shut the door; then flinging her arms round him, she threw him flat on the straw, fell over him with her hands upon his shoulders, holding him down so fast that he could not kiss her, whilst she made believe to be feasting her eyes with the sight of him. At length she cried out, "O my dear Calandrino! my life! my soul! my only comfort! how long have I desired to have thee in this manner?" He, unable to move, said, "My dearest joy! do let me have one kiss." - "My jewel," replied she, "thou art in too much haste; let me satisfy myself first with gazing upon thee." Bruno, Buffalmacco, and Filippo, heard and saw all this; and just as he was striving to get a kiss from her, up comes Nello along with the wife, and cries, "I vow to God they are together." Monna Tessa, in her rage, burst open the door, and beheld Niccolosa astride of Calandrino, until on the entrance of intruders she left her spark, and went to Filippo; whilst the wife ran and scratched Calandrino's face all over, and tore out his hair, screaming at him, "You poor pitiful rascal, to dare to serve me in this manner! You old villain! What! have you not enough to do at home? A fine fellow, truly, to pretend to a mistress, with this old worn-out carcase! and she as fine a lady, to take up with such a precious thing as you are!" Calandrino was confounded to that degree, that he made no defence; so she beat him as she pleased, till at length he humbly begged her not to make that clamour, unless she had a mind to have him murdered, for that the lady was no less a person than the wife of the master of the house. 

"A plague confound her," she said, "be she who she will." Bruno and Buffalmacco, who, with Filippo and Niccolosa, had been laughing heartily at what passed, came in upon them now, as though they had been drawn thither by the noise. When, with much ado, they had pacified Monna Tessa, they persuaded Calandrino to go home, and come back no more, for fear Filippo should do him a mischief. So he went to Florence, miserably scratched and beaten, without having the heart ever to return; but plagued with the perpetual reproaches of his wife, he let his hot love grow cold, after having afforded great matter for diversion to his friends, to Niccolosa, and to Filippo.

9-3, Master Simon, Bruno, Buffalmacco, Nello, Calandrino, pregnant

NOVEL III. 

Master Simon, the doctor, with Bruno, and the rest, make Calandrino believe that he is with child. The patient gives them fowls and money, to compound a medicine for him, and he recovers without being delivered. 

After Eliza had concluded her novel, and the company had all expressed their joy for the lady's happy escape from the invidious censures of her sister-nuns, the queen ordered Filostrato to proceed, which he immediately did in this manner: - The odd figure of a judge, that was spoken of yesterday, prevented my giving you a story of Calandrino, which I had ready to tell you. Therefore, as whatever is related of him must be entertaining, though we have had a great deal already about him and his companions, I shall now say what I had then in my mind. 

You have heard who Calandrino was, as well as the rest of the people concerned in this novel; so I shall tell you, without farther preface, that he had an aunt who died and left him about twenty pounds, on which he began to talk of purchasing an estate, and was running to treat with every broker in Florence, as if he had been worth the Indies; but the negotiation always broke down when they come to talk of a price. Now Bruno and Buffalmacco, who knew all this, had often told him that he had better spend the money with them, than lay it out on a little paltry land; but in vain; he would never part with a farthing. One day, the two wags being in company with another painter, whose name was Nello, they all agreed to feast themselves well at Calandrino's expense, and settled how it was to be done. The next morning, as Calandrino was going out of his house, Nello met, and said, "Good morning to you, friend." - "The same to you," Calandrino replied, "and a good year also." Nello now stopped, and began to look wistfully in his face. "What are you looking at?'said Calandrino. "Has anything been the matter with you in the night?" quoth Nello. "You are quite a different person." Calandrino grew very thoughtful at this, and said, "Oh, dear me! do you think I am ill?" - "Oh! I do not say that," replied Nello, "though I never saw a man so altered, but it may be something else;"and away he went. Calandrino went on, a little diffident, though feeling nothing all the time, when Buffalmacco came up to him, seeing him part from Nello, and asked him whether he was well. Calandrino replied, "Indeed I do not know; is it possible to be otherwise, and I not perceive it?" - "It may be so, or it may not," said Buffalmacco, "but I assure you, you look as though you were half dead." He now thought himself in a high fever, when Bruno came up, and the first word he said was, "Why, Calandrino, how you look! you are like a ghost. What is the matter with you?" He now concluded it was really so, and asked, in a great fright, what he had best do. "I advise," quoth Bruno, "that you go home and get to bed, cover yourself up close, and send your water to Master Simon, the doctor: he is our friend, you know, and will tell you at once what to do; in the meantime we will go with you, and do what we can for you." So they took him to his own house, and he went up stairs ready to die away every moment, saying to his wife, "Come and cover me up well in bed, for I find myself extremely ill." Having laid down, he sent his water by a little girl to the doctor, whose shop was then in the old market, at the sign of the Melon. Bruno now said to his friends, "Do you stay here, and I will go and hear what the doctor says, and bring him with me if there be occasion." "Pray do, my good friend," said Calandrino, "and let me know how it stands with me, for I feel very strangely in my inside." 

Bruno getting to the doctor's before the girl, let him into the secret. When she came there, and he had examined the water, he said to her, "Go, and bid him keep warm, and I will come instantly, and give directions what to do." She returned, and told Calandrino, and in a little time the doctor and Bruno came together, when the doctor sat down by him, and began to feel his pulse: at last he said, the wife being present, "I must tell you, as a friend, that your illness is nothing else but your being with child." As soon as Calandrino heard this, he began to roar out and say to his wife, "O, Tessa, this is all your doing, che non vuogali altro che di sopra (EN: that you don't want anything but to ride me; sopra: super: over). I told you how it would be." Poor Tessa, who was a very modest woman, was so overcome with shame at hearing her husband talk thus, that she left the room, without saying a word. Calandrino continued his lamentations, crying, O Lord! what shall I do? How shall I be delivered? Which way is the child to come into the world? It's a clear case, I am a dead man, for which I may thank my wife curse her! O that I were well! I would not leave a whole bone in her skin. If I have only the luck to get over it this time, I'll take care she does not get the upperhand of me again, let her beg as hard as she will." His companions had much ado to keep from laughing, seeing him in all this fright; and as for the doctor, he shewed all his teeth in such a manner, that you might have drawn every one of them. At length. Calandrino beseeching the physician's best advice and assistance, doctor Simon replied, "Calandrino, I would not have you make yourself too uneasy; for since I know your ailment, I doubt not but I shall soon give you relief, and with a very little trouble; but it will be with some expense." - "O doctor," quoth the patient, "I have twenty pounds, which should have bought me an estate: take it all, rather than let it come to a labour; for I hear the women make such a noise at those times, though they have so much room, that I shall never get through it alive." - " Never fear," said the doctor, "I shall prepare you a distilled liquor, very pleasant to the taste, which will dissolve and bring it away in three days, and leave you as sound as a trout. Now I must have six fat fowls, and for the other things, which will cost about ten shillings, you must give one of your friends here the money to buy, and bring them to my shop; and tomorrow morning I will send you the distilled water, which you must drink by a large glassful at a time." He replied, "Doctor, I rely upon you. So he gave Bruno ten shillings, and money also for the fowls, and desired he would take that trouble upon him. 

The doctor made a little hippocrass, and sent it to him; whilst Bruno, with his companions and the doctor, were very merry over the fowls, and other good cheer purchased with the rest of the money. After Calandrino had drunk the hippocrass for the three mornings, the doctor came with his companions to see him, and said, after feeling his pulse, "You are now quite well, and need confine yourself within doors no longer." He was overjoyed at this, and gave the doctor great thanks, telling everybody he met what a cure Doctor Simon had wrought on him in three days' time, and without the least pain. Nor were his friends less pleased in overreaching his extreme avarice; but as to his wife, she saw into the tpck, and made a great clamour about it. 

8-3, Calandrino, Bruno, Buffalmacco, Mugnone, Heliotrope

NOVEL III. 

Calandrino, Bruno, and Buffalmacco go to Mugnone, to look for the Heliotrope; and Calandrino returns laden with stones, supposing that he has found it. Upon this his wife scolds him, and he beats her for it; and then tells his companions what they knew better than himself. 

The ladies laughed immoderately at Pamfilo's novel, when the queen turned to Eliza, who began in this manner: - I do not know whether I shall be able to divert you as much with my short novel, though it be true as well as comical; but yet I will try. 

In our city, abounding always with people of different tempers and nations, there dwelt, not long since, a painter, called Calandrino, a simple sort of man, and a great original. 

He was almost always in company with two of the same profession, the one named Bruno, and the other Buffalmacco, both facetious and merry persons, but shrewd and wary enough; and they liked to be with this man on account of his oddities. There lived also in the same city, a young man called Maso del Saggio, one of the cleverest wags in the world, who, hearing much of Calandrino's simplicity, longed to divert himself at his expense, by some monstrous hoax. Finding him by chance one day in St. John's church, and observing him very intent on examining the carved work and painting of the Tabernacle, which was just put over the high altar, he thought he had now such an opportunity as he wanted. Acquainting one of his friends with his intentions, they came near to the place where Calandrino was sitting by himself, and pretending not to see him, began to converse together upon the virtues of different stones, whereof Maso discoursed as weightily as though he had been a professed lapidary. Calandrino soon began to listen, and finding that their conversation was not of a private nature, he got up and joined them. This was what they wanted; and as he was going on with his discourse. Calandrino asked him where these stones were to be found? Maso replied, "The greatest part are to be met with in Berlinzone, a city of the Baschi, in a canton called Bengodi, where they tie the vines with sausages, and you may buy a goose for a penny, and have a gosling into the bargain. There is also a mountain there of grated Parmesan cheese, and people upon it who do nothing else but make cheese-cakes and mackaroons, which they boil in capon-broth, and keep constantly throwing down, and those that can catch most have most: and there is a river too of the best Malmsey wine that ever was tasted, without one drop of water." - “surely," says Calandrino, "that must be a fine country indeed! what becomes of the capons after they are boiled?" - "O," quoth the other, "the Baschi there eat them all." - "And were you ever there?'said Calandrino. "Was I ever there, do you say? If I have been there once, I have been a thousand times." - "And how many miles is it off?" -"Many thousands." -"Then," said Calandrino, "it is farther off than the Abruzzi." - "A trifle." Calandrino, observing that Maso had told all this without changing countenance, or so much as a smile, received it for gospel, and said, "It is too long a journey, or else I should like to go and scramble for those mackaroons, and help myself to sausages. But tell me, pray, are there none of the precious stones you were speaking of in those countries?" Maso replied, "Two there are, which are found to be of great virtue: one of these, which comes from Montisci, they make into mill-stones, which will grind flour of themselves; whence they have a saying, That grace comes from God, and mill-stones from Montisci. Such plenty there is of them, and yet they are as lightly esteemed among us, as emeralds are there, of which they have whole mountains, bigger than Monte Morello, that shine gloriously all night long. Now, these mill-stones they set in rings, and send to the Sultan; who gives them, in return, whatever they ask for them. The other stone is what we lapidaries call the Heliotrope, which renders invisible those who have it about them." - "That," said Calandrino, "is a rare virtue indeed! But where is this stone to be found?" - "It is usually met with upon our plains of Mugnone." - "Of what size and colour is it?" - "They are of different sizes, some large, some small," said Maso, "but all of a blackish hue." 

Calandrino took care to remember all he had heard, and pretending to have other business, he went away with a design of going to seek for this stone; but first he had a mind to consult his two dear friends, Bruno and Buffalmacco, and he spent all that morning in seeking after them. Hearing at last that they were at work in the monastery at Faenza, he ran thither, and calling them aside, he said to them: "Comrades, if you will believe me, we have it now in our power to be the richest people in all Florence: for I am informed, by a very credible person, that there is a stone in Mugnone, which makes those that carry it about them invisible; therefore I wish that we should go and look for it without delay, before any one else finds it. We shall certainly meet with it, for I know it very well; and when we have it, what else have we to do but put it in our pockets, and go to the bankers' shops and carry away what money we please? Nobody will see us, and we shall grow rich all at once, without having to smear walls all day just as snails do." Bruno and Buffalmacco were ready to burst with laughter; affecting, however, to marvel greatly at what they had heard, they highly commended their friend's wisdom. Buffalmacco then asked him what was the name of that wonderful stone? 

Calandrino, having no great memory, had forgot that;" "But what have we to do with names," he said, “so long as we know the virtues of things? I think we should go and look for it immediately." - "But," quoth Bruno, "what sort of stone is it?" - "They are of all sizes, but generally black; therefore I am of opinion that we should pick up all the black stones we see till we meet with the true one: so let us lose no time." - “stay a bit," quoth Bruno; then turning to Buffalmacco, "Calandrino speaks very sensibly," said he; "but yet I do not think this jbl fit time, for the sun is now very hot, and shines with such lustre, that those stones may appear whiteish at present, which are black of a morning: besides, this is a working-day, and many people are now abroad, who, seeing us employed in that manner, may guess at our business, and perhaps get the stone before us, and we lose all our labour. We had better, I think, go about it in the morning when we can more clearly distinguish colours: and on a holiday, because then no one will see us." Buffalmacco was decidedly of the same opinion; Calandrino acquiesced; and so it was agreed that they should all three go out on Sunday morning; and, in the meantime, Calandrino begged above all things that they would speak of the matter to no one, because it had been told him as a secret. At the same time he let them know what he had heard of the country of Bengodi, swearing that every word was truth. As soon as he was gone, they agreed, between themselves, what to do. As for Calandrino, he was on thorns till Sunday came, when he rose at day-break, and called upon them; and going through St. Gallo's gate, they went into the plains of Mugnone, and began to look for the marvellous stone. Now Calandrino stole along before the other two, skipping from one place to another, where he saw anything of a black stone, and putting them all into his pockets. And whilst his companions were picking up here and there one, he had filled his pockets, bosom, and coat-skirts, which he had tucked up for that purpose with his belt. Seeing him thus laden, and it being now dinner-time, one of them said to the other, just as had been previously concerted between them, "Where is Calandrino?" 

- "I do not know, but he was here just now." "- "Here or there, I warrant he is gone home to his dinner, And has left us here upon a fool's errand." - "We are rightly served for being such fools as to believe him. Who but ourselves could ever have thought of finding such sort of stones here?" Calandrino, hearing what passed between them, took it for granted that he had the true stone, and so was invisible: and being overjoyed at his good luck, he resolved to go home without speaking a word, leaving them to follow if they would. Buffalmacco, perceiving his intent, said to Bruno, “What shall we do? Why not go home, as he has done." Bruno replied, "What should we stay any longer for? 

But I vow to God, Calandrino shall put no more tricks upon me. If he was as near me now as he has been all this morning, I would give him such a knock on the leg with this pebble, that he should have cause to remember it;" and as he was speaking the words, he let fly at him. Calandrino cut a caper, and clapped his hands to his leg, but never said a word, and got along as fast as he could. Buffalmacco took up another stone and said, "And I would touch him up on the back with this;" and so they kept pelting him all the way to the gate of St. Gallo, where, throwing down the rest of their stones, they let the guards into the secret, who humoured the thing, and let Calandrino pass as if they had not seen him. So he went on, without stopping, to his own house, which was near to the mills; and fortune was so favourable to this joke of theirs, that nobody said a word to him all through the city: and indeed he saw but few persons, because they were mostly at dinner. 

Coming thus loaded home, he met his wife at the top of the stairs; and she being provoked at his long stay, fell upon him in a violent manner, saying, "The devil sure has possessed the man, that he will never come home till everybody has dined." Hearing this, and being sensible that he was now seen, he roared out in wrath and vexation, "Oh! thou wicked woman, art thou there? Thou hast undone me; but I will be revenged on thee for it." And, throwing down all his stones, he ran violently at her, and beat her most unmercifully. In the meantime his two friends, after they had laughed a little with the guards at the gate, followed him, at a distance, to his house; and on coming to the door, heard him beating and abusing his wife. Making believe as if they were just come back, they called aloud to him, whilst he, all in a heat, and wean", looked out of the window, and desired them to come up: this they did, seemingly much out of temper, and seeing the stairs covered with stones, and the wife beaten and bruised, and crying piteously in one corner of the room, and Calandrino in another, all unbuttoned, and panting like a man quite spent, they said, "Why, how now, Calandrino! Are you going to build, that you make all this preparation? And you. Madam, how comes it to pass that you are so misused." But Calandrino, quite fatigued, and vexed also for his supposed loss, could not muster breath enough to make them any answer. Buffalmacco therefore began again, "Calandrino," said he, "if you were angry with any other person, you ought not to have made a jest of us, as you have done, in leaving us yonder like a couple of fools; where you carried us to seek for a precious stone, and then went away without saying a word: but be assured you shall serve us so no more." "My friends," replied Calandrino, after much ado, "do not be in a passion; the case is different from what you imagine. Indeed I found the stone; and observe, I pray, whether it was not so. When you inquired after me the first time, I was then close to you; and as you were coming away without seeing me, I then walked before you." He then repeated to them everything that they had said and done on the way, and showed the bruises on his back and legs; after which he went on to say, "And as I was coming through the gate, laden with these stones, the guards let me pass unmolested, though you know what a fuss they always make, and how they examine everything. Besides, I met with divers of my friends in the street, who are continually teazing me to go in and drink with them, but not one of them said a word, because they never saw me. At last, when I came home, I met with this devil of a woman here, who straightway saw me, because women, you know, make everything lose its virtue; and so I, who was on the point of being the happiest man in Florence, am now the most unfortunate; and it was upon that account that I beat her as long as I could lift my hands, and I could tear her to pieces for it. A curse upon the hour I first saw her, and when she came into this house." During this narration Buffalmacco and Bruno seemed to wonder very much, and frequently corroborated what Calandrino said, though they were fit to die with laughing. But when he was going to beat his wife a second time, they interposed, telling him, that she was not the person to blame in the case, but himself, for he should have given her notice to keep out of the way all that day; and that his disappointment was owing either to his ill-fortune, or else it was a judgment upon him for deceiving his friends; for after he knew that he had found the stone, he ought to have told them of it. At last, with great difficulty, they made peace between him and his poor wife, and left him still sad and moody, with his house full of stones. 

[This story is taken, with little variation, from the Fabliau "De Pietre et Alison," of the Trouveur Guillaume le Normand. (Le Grand, iv, 297.) It is also the forty-seventh of the second part of Bandello.]