9-2, abbess, haste, dark, nun, veil, priest, breeches

NOVEL II. 

An abbess going in haste, and in the dark, to surprise one of her nuns, instead of her veil puts on the priest's breeches. The lady accused makes a just remark upon this, and so escapes. 

Filomena was now silent, and the lady's contrivance to free herself from two such troublesome people, whom she could not love, was generally approved; their daring presumption being judged the effect not of love, but of folly. The queen called on Eliza to follow; and she immediately began: - The lady you have just mentioned saved herself very dexterously from trouble; but a certain nun escaped the most imminent danger, by a word or two aptly spoken, with good luck to aid. There are many foolish people, who take upon them to be rigid censors and correctors of others, and whom fortune takes occasion sometimes very justly to expose and humble, as was the case of the abbess, under whose government the nun was, of whom I am going to speak. 

In Lombardy was a convent, famous for its sanctity, and amongst the other nuns belonging to it, was a lady named Isabella, of exquisite beauty, as well as of noble family, who had fallen in love with a young gentleman, that came with a relation of hers to see her at the grate. He also had conceived the same affection for her, and this love continued some time without effect, to the great concern of both. At last he thought of a way to get to her, and continued visiting her in that manner, till he was discovered by one of the ladies. She communicated the affair to some others; and first they were resolved to accuse her to the abbess, a worthy good lady, in the opinion of the nuns and other people that knew her; but afterwards, for fear Isabella should deny it, it was agreed that the abbess should surprise them together; and so they kept watch by turns, in order to find them out. One night, therefore, Isabella having her lover in her chamber, without the least suspicion of their designs, the scouts immediately perceived it, and dividing themselves into parties, one guarded the entrance into her room, whilst the others ran to the lady abbess's chamber, where, knocking at the door, they cried, "Pray, madam, get up as quick as you can, for our sister Isabella has a man in her cell." 

Now that night it happened, that the abbess had a priest with her, who had been frequently brought to her in a chest; and fearing lest, out of their great hurry and eagerness, they might force open the door, she immediately rose, and dressed herself as well as she could in the dark; and thinking that she had taken a certain plaited veil, which she usually wore, she chanced to lay hold of the priest's breeches, and threw them over her head in its stead. She now went forth, and locking the door after her, said, "Where is this wicked woman?"

Away then she posted along with the nuns, who were so zealous and intent upon finding out poor Isabella, that they never took notice of what she had upon her head: and coming to her chamber, they found her and her lover together, who were so confounded that they could not speak a word. Isabella was forthwith seized, and carried to the chapter-house, the young gentleman being left in the cell, waiting to see what the end would be, and resolving to have revenge, if any harm was offered to his mistress, and afterwards to take her away. The abbess having taken her place in the chapter, with her nuns about her, who had all their eyes only on the culprit, she began to give her a most severe reprimand, for having defiled, as she told her, by her most disorderly and very wicked actions, the sanctity, honesty, and good name of the convent, adding thereto many most bitter threats. The lady, quite confounded between fear and shame, was unable to make any defence, but her very silence moved many of the sisterhood to compassion. The abbess still continuing her invectives, the poor nun happened to raise up her head, when she saw the breeches hanging on each side of the abbesses neck, and being a little comforted with that, as she conjectured the fact, she said, "Please, madam, to button your coif, and then tell me what you would have." - "My coif?" cried the abbess, "you wicked woman! Have you the assurance to laugh at me? Do you think what you have done is any laughing matter?" The lady said once more, "I beg, madam, that you will first button your coif, and then speak." The nuns now looked at their abbess, the abbess put her hands up to her head, and all of them perceived Isabella's meaning. The abbess, finding that she was clearly detected in the very same crime, soon changed her note, and began to excuse and palliate the matter. So she returned to her priest, and Isabella to her lover. And they continued their interviews together, in spite of all such as envied their happiness; whilst the rest procured themselves lovers as soon as they could. 

[This is the "Pseautier" of La Fontaine.] 

8-5, Three young sparks play a trick with a judge

NOVEL V. 

Three young sparks play a trick with a judge, whilst he is sitting upon the bench hearing causes. 

The lady in Emilia's novel was highly commended for what she had done, when the queen looked towards Filostrato, and said, "It is now your turn to speak." He consequently thus began: - A young gentleman, mentioned some time since by Eliza, viz. Maso del Saggio, makes me pass over a story which I meant to have told you, in order to relate one of him, and certain of his friends, which, though a little unseemly, may make you laugh nevertheless, and so I shall venture to report it. 

You must all have heard that we have often had Podestas come hither from the marquisate of Ancona, the most paltry people imaginable, and so extremely miserable and covetous, that they have brought fellows along with them by way of judges and notaries, who seem to have been rather taken from the plough-tail, or out of a cobbler's shop, than the schools of law. Now there was a certain person came once as Podesta, and amongst the judges that attended him was one Niccola da san Lepidio, whose aspect bespoke him rather a tinker than anything else, and who was deputed with the rest of the judges to hear criminal causes. And as it happens that the people frequently go to those courts who have no business, so it chanced that Maso del Saggio was there one morning in quest of one of his friends; and coming to where this Niccola was sitting, began to eye him with great curiosity, as though he were some strange outlandish bird. He had a greasy fur cap on, with an ink-horn hanging at his girdle, and a gown shorter than his under coat; but what appeared the most comical of all was, that his breeches came down to his ankles, and yet they were so scantily made, that he could not keep them buttoned, but they were constantly open all before. Such a figure as this soon rnade Maso forget what he had come about: and meeting with two of his companions, the one named Ribi, and the other Matteuzzo, men of as much humour as himself, he said to them, "You will oblige me very much if you will go into the court along with me, for I can show you the oddest figure perhaps that you ever saw: “so he took them to see the judge and his breeches. 

As soon as they had come into the court, they fell a laughing, and upon a near approach they observed that it would be very easy to get under the platform on which the judge was seated, and that the boards were so broken that a man might put his hand and arm up through them. Seeing this, Maso said to his companions, "Let us pull his breeches down entirely, for it may easily be done." They saw at once which way he meant, and, having agreed about it, they came thither again the next morning; and the court being crowded with people, Matteuzzo crept privately under the bench where the judge was sitting. Then Maso went on one side, and took hold of his gown, whilst Ribi did the same on the other side, and began to cry out, "My lord, for heaven's sake, before that thief there by your side goes away, will you order him to restore me a pair of shoes which he has stolen from me, and now denies it, though I saw him in the fact, and it is not a month since he had them new soled?" Ribi, on the other side, bawled aloud, "My lord, do not believe him, for he is a most intolerable villain; and because I came to demand a wallet that he had stolen from me, he has now trumped up this story of his shoes. If you will not believe me, I can bring Trecca, my neighbour, and Grassa, the woman that sells tripes, and the person that sweeps St. Mary's church, who saw him as he came out of the country." But Maso made such a clamour on the other side, that he would not let Ribi be heard, and Ribi roared against Maso with all his might. The judge standing up to hear what each had to say, Matteuzzo took that opportunity to put his hand up between the boards, and laid hold of his breeches, which came down immediately, as the judge happened to be lean and thin about the crupper; whilst he, perceiving what had happened, and not knowing the reason, would have pulled his gown before him to conceal it, and endeavoured to sit down again: but Maso held him up on one side, and Ribi on the other, crying out, "My lord, you do me great injustice not to attend to what I say, and to turn your back upon me, without giving me the hearing;" (for there were no indictments in writing for such trivial cases.) And they kept him fast between them in that manner, till all the people in the court saw that he had his breeches about his heels. In the meantime Matteuzzo had stolen away undiscovered; and Ribi, thinking that he had now done enough, said, "I will appeal elsewhere for justice, I vow to Heaven; "and Maso let go on the other part also, saying, “some time or other I shall find you more at leisure than you have been this morning." Thus they parted different ways, and got out of court as fast as they could. 

The judge, pulling up his breeches before the people, and being now sensible of the trick that had been put upon him, began to inquire where those two men were gone, that had been complaining to him about their shoes and their wallet; and hearing nothing of them, he swore that he would soon know whether it was a custom at Florence to pull a judge's breeches down as he sat on the bench. The Podesta also was in a great rage about it, till being told by some of his friends that this was done only to let him see that the people all took notice, that, instead of bringing judges, he had brought some paltry scoundrels among them, to make a better trade of it, he thought it best to hold his tongue. Consequently nothing more was said about it at that time.