8-5, Three young sparks play a trick with a judge

NOVEL V. 

Three young sparks play a trick with a judge, whilst he is sitting upon the bench hearing causes. 

The lady in Emilia's novel was highly commended for what she had done, when the queen looked towards Filostrato, and said, "It is now your turn to speak." He consequently thus began: - A young gentleman, mentioned some time since by Eliza, viz. Maso del Saggio, makes me pass over a story which I meant to have told you, in order to relate one of him, and certain of his friends, which, though a little unseemly, may make you laugh nevertheless, and so I shall venture to report it. 

You must all have heard that we have often had Podestas come hither from the marquisate of Ancona, the most paltry people imaginable, and so extremely miserable and covetous, that they have brought fellows along with them by way of judges and notaries, who seem to have been rather taken from the plough-tail, or out of a cobbler's shop, than the schools of law. Now there was a certain person came once as Podesta, and amongst the judges that attended him was one Niccola da san Lepidio, whose aspect bespoke him rather a tinker than anything else, and who was deputed with the rest of the judges to hear criminal causes. And as it happens that the people frequently go to those courts who have no business, so it chanced that Maso del Saggio was there one morning in quest of one of his friends; and coming to where this Niccola was sitting, began to eye him with great curiosity, as though he were some strange outlandish bird. He had a greasy fur cap on, with an ink-horn hanging at his girdle, and a gown shorter than his under coat; but what appeared the most comical of all was, that his breeches came down to his ankles, and yet they were so scantily made, that he could not keep them buttoned, but they were constantly open all before. Such a figure as this soon rnade Maso forget what he had come about: and meeting with two of his companions, the one named Ribi, and the other Matteuzzo, men of as much humour as himself, he said to them, "You will oblige me very much if you will go into the court along with me, for I can show you the oddest figure perhaps that you ever saw: “so he took them to see the judge and his breeches. 

As soon as they had come into the court, they fell a laughing, and upon a near approach they observed that it would be very easy to get under the platform on which the judge was seated, and that the boards were so broken that a man might put his hand and arm up through them. Seeing this, Maso said to his companions, "Let us pull his breeches down entirely, for it may easily be done." They saw at once which way he meant, and, having agreed about it, they came thither again the next morning; and the court being crowded with people, Matteuzzo crept privately under the bench where the judge was sitting. Then Maso went on one side, and took hold of his gown, whilst Ribi did the same on the other side, and began to cry out, "My lord, for heaven's sake, before that thief there by your side goes away, will you order him to restore me a pair of shoes which he has stolen from me, and now denies it, though I saw him in the fact, and it is not a month since he had them new soled?" Ribi, on the other side, bawled aloud, "My lord, do not believe him, for he is a most intolerable villain; and because I came to demand a wallet that he had stolen from me, he has now trumped up this story of his shoes. If you will not believe me, I can bring Trecca, my neighbour, and Grassa, the woman that sells tripes, and the person that sweeps St. Mary's church, who saw him as he came out of the country." But Maso made such a clamour on the other side, that he would not let Ribi be heard, and Ribi roared against Maso with all his might. The judge standing up to hear what each had to say, Matteuzzo took that opportunity to put his hand up between the boards, and laid hold of his breeches, which came down immediately, as the judge happened to be lean and thin about the crupper; whilst he, perceiving what had happened, and not knowing the reason, would have pulled his gown before him to conceal it, and endeavoured to sit down again: but Maso held him up on one side, and Ribi on the other, crying out, "My lord, you do me great injustice not to attend to what I say, and to turn your back upon me, without giving me the hearing;" (for there were no indictments in writing for such trivial cases.) And they kept him fast between them in that manner, till all the people in the court saw that he had his breeches about his heels. In the meantime Matteuzzo had stolen away undiscovered; and Ribi, thinking that he had now done enough, said, "I will appeal elsewhere for justice, I vow to Heaven; "and Maso let go on the other part also, saying, “some time or other I shall find you more at leisure than you have been this morning." Thus they parted different ways, and got out of court as fast as they could. 

The judge, pulling up his breeches before the people, and being now sensible of the trick that had been put upon him, began to inquire where those two men were gone, that had been complaining to him about their shoes and their wallet; and hearing nothing of them, he swore that he would soon know whether it was a custom at Florence to pull a judge's breeches down as he sat on the bench. The Podesta also was in a great rage about it, till being told by some of his friends that this was done only to let him see that the people all took notice, that, instead of bringing judges, he had brought some paltry scoundrels among them, to make a better trade of it, he thought it best to hold his tongue. Consequently nothing more was said about it at that time.