8-6, Bruno, Buffalmacco, Calandrino, pig

NOVEL VI. 

Bruno and Buffalmacco steal a pig from Calandrino, and make a charm to find out the thief, with pills made of ginger and some sack; giving him, at the same time, pills made of aloes: thereby they make it appear that he had furtively sold the pig, and they make him pay handsomely, for fear they should tell his wife. 

After Filostrato's novel, which had made them all very merry, the queen turned to Filomena, who began thus: - As Filostrato was led to the last story by the mention of the name of Maso, in like manner has the novel concerning Calandrino and his two. companions brought to my mind another relating to the same two persons, which will, I think, afford you pleasure. Who these people were, it would be needless to say, because you had enough of that before. Therefore I shall begin by telling you that Calandrino had a little farm not far from Florence, which came to him by right of his wife; and amongst his other goods there, he used to have a pig fatted every year, and some time about December he and his wife went always to kill and salt it for the use of the family. Now it happened once, she being unwell at the time, that he went thither by himself to kill this pig; which Bruno and Buffalmacco hearing, and, knowing she was not to be there, they went to spend a few days with a great friend of theirs, a priest in Calandrino's neighbourhood. Now the pig had been killed the very day they came thither, and Calandrino seeing them along with the priest, called to them, and said, "Welcome, kindly; I would gladly have you see what a good manager I am." Then, taking them into the house, he showed them this pig. They saw that it was fat, and were told by him that it was to be salted for his family. “Salted, booby! “said Bruno. “sell it, let us make merry with the money, and tell your wife that it was stolen." - 

"No," said Calandrino, " She will never believe it; and besides, she would go near to turn me out of doors. Trouble me then no further about any such thing, for I will never do it." They said a great deal more to him, but all to no purpose; at length he invited them to supper, but did it in such a manner that they refused. After they had come away from him, said Bruno to Buffalmacco, 'suppose we steal this pig from him to-night." - "How is it possible?" - "O, I know well enough how to do it, if he does not remove it in the meantime from the place where we just now saw it." - "Then let us do it, and afterwards we and the parson will make merry over it." The priest assured them that he should like it of all things. "We must use a little art," quoth Bruno: "you know how covetous he is, and how freely he drinks always when it is at another's cost. Let us get him then to the tavern, where the parson shall make a pretence of treating us all, out of compliment to him; he will soon get drunk, and then the thing will be easy enough, as there is nobody in the house but himself." This was done, and Calandrino, finding that the parson was to pay, took his glasses off pretty freely, and getting his dose, walked home betimes, left the door open, thinking that it was shut, and so went to bed. Buffalmacco and Bruno went from the tavern to sup with the priest, and as soon as supper was over, they took proper materials with them to get into the house; but finding the door open, they carried off the pig to the priest's, and went to bed likewise. In the morning, as soon as Calandrino had slept off his wine, he rose, came down stairs, and finding the door open, and his pig gone, began to inquire of everybody if they knew anything of the matter, and receiving no tidings of it, he made a terrible outer)", saying, "What shall I do now? somebody has stolen my pig." Bruno and Buffalmacco were no sooner out of bed, than they went to his house to hear what he would say; and the moment he saw them, he roared out, "O, my friends, my pig is stolen! "Upon this Bruno whispered him, and said, "Well, I am glad to see you wise for once in your life." - "Alas! "quoth he, "it is too true." - "Keep still in the same story," said Bruno, "and make noise enough for every one to believe you." Calandrino now began to bawl louder, "Indeed! I vow and swear to you that it is stolen." - "That's right; be sure you let everybody hear you, that it may appear so." - "Do you think that I would forswear myself about it? May I be hanged this moment if it is not so! "- "How is it possible?" quoth Bruno; "I saw it but last night; never imagine that I can believe it." - "It is so, however," answered he, "and I am undone: I know not how to go home again, for my wife will never believe me, and I shall have no peace this twelvemonth." - "It is a most unhappy thing," said Bruno, "if it be true; but you know I put it into your head to say so last night, and you should not make sport both with your wife and us at the same time." At this he began to roar out afresh, saying "Good God! you make me mad to hear you talk; I tell you once for all that it was stolen this very night." - "Nay, if it be so," quoth Buffalmacco, "we must think of some way to get it back again." - " And what way must we take," said he, "to find it?" - "Depend upon it," replied the other, "that nobody came from the Indies to steal it; it must be somewhere in your neighbourhood, and if you could get the people together, I could make a charm with some bread and cheese, that would soon discover the thief." - "True," said Bruno, "but they would know in that case what you were about: and the person that has it would never come near you." - "How must we manage then?'said Buffalmacco. "Oh! "replied Bruno, "you shall see me do it with some pills of ginger, and a little wine, which I will ask them to come and drink. They will have no suspicion what our design is, and we can make a charm of these, as well as of the bread and cheese." - "Very right," quoth the other. "Well, what do you say, Calandrino? Have you a mind we should try it?" - "For Heaven's sake do," he said, "were I only to know who the thief is, I should be half comforted." -"Well, then," quoth Bruno, "I am ready to go to Florence for the things, if you will only give me some money." He happened to have a few shillings in his pocket, which he gave him, and off went Bruno. 

When he got to Florence, Bruno went to a friend's house, and bought a pound of ginger made into pills. He also got two pills made of aloes, which had a private mark that he should not mistake them, being candied over with sugar like the rest. Then having bought a jar of good wine, he returned to Calandrino, and said, "tomorrow you must take care to invite every one that you have the least suspicion of; it is a holiday, and they will be glad to come. We will complete the charm to-night, and bring the things to your house in the morning, and then I will take care to do and say on your behalf what is necessary upon such an occasion." Calandrino did as he was told, and in the morning he had nearly all the people in the parish assembled under an elmtree in the churchyard. His two friends produced the pills and wine, and making the people stand round in a circle, Bruno said to them, "Gentlemen, it is fit that I should tell you the reason of your being summoned here in this manner, to the end, if anything should happen which you do not like, that I be not blamed for it. You must know, then, that Calandrino had a pig stolen last night, and, as some of the company here must have taken it, he, that he may find out the thief, would have every man take and eat one of these pills, and drink a glass of wine after it; and whoever the guilty person is, you will find he will not be able to get a bit of it down, but it will taste so bitter that he will be forced to spit it out: so that, to prevent such open shame, he had better, whoever he is, make a secret confession to the priest, and I will proceed no farther." 

All present declared their readiness to eat, so placing them all in order, he gave every man his pill, and coming to Calandrino, he gave one of the aloe pills to him, which he straightway put into his mouth, and no sooner did he begin to chew it, than he was forced to spit it out. Every one was now attentive to see who spit his pill out, and whilst Bruno kept going round, apparently taking no notice of Calandrino, he heard somebody say behind him, "Hey-day! what is the meaning of its disagreeing so with Calandrino?" Bruno now turned suddenly about, and seeing that Calandrino had spit out his pill, he said, 'stay a little, honest friends, and be not too hasty in judging; it may be something else that has made him spit, and therefore he shall try another. “So he gave him the other aloe pill, and then went on to the rest that were unserved. But if the first was bitter to him, this he thought much more so: however, he endeavoured to get it down as well as he could, but it was impossible; it made the tears run down his cheeks, and he was forced to spit it out at last, as he had done the other. In the meantime Buffalmacco was going about with the wine; but when he and all of them saw what Calandrino had done, they began to bawl out that he had robbed himself; and some of them abused him roundly. 

After they were all gone, Buffalmacco said, "I always thought that you yourself were the thief, and that you were willing to make us believe the pig was stolen, in order to keep your money in your pocket, lest we should expect a treat upon the occasion." Calandrino, who had still the taste of the aloes in his mouth, fell a swearing that he knew nothing of the matter. "Honour bright, now, comrade," said Buffalmacco, "what did you get for it?" This made him quite desperate. Then Bruno struck in: "I was just now told," said he, "by one of the company, that you have a mistress in this neighbourhood to whom you are very kind, and that he is confident you have given it to her. You know you once took us to the plains of Mugnone, to look for some black stones, when you left us in the lurch, and pretended you had found them; and now you think to swear, and make us believe, that your pig is stolen, when .you have either given it away or sold it. You have put so many tricks upon us, that we intend to be fooled no more by you. Therefore, as we have had a deal of trouble in the affair, you shall make us amends, by giving us two couple of fowls, unless you mean that we should tell your wife." Calandrino now perceiving that he was not to be believed, and being unwilling to have them add to his troubles, by bringing his wife upon his back, was forced to give them the fowls, which they took to Florence along with the pork, leaving him there to brood over his losses and his ignominious discomfiture. 

4-10, A doctor's wife puts her gallant into a chest

NOVEL X. 

A doctor's wife puts her gallant into a chest, imagining him to be dead, which chest is stolen by two usurers, and carried home. He comes to himself, and is taken for a thief; whilst the lady's maid informs the magistrates that she had put him into a chest, which the usurers had carried away, upon which he escapes, and they are fined a sum of money. 

Dioneo was the only person now left to speak, who accordingly began, by the king's order, as follows: - "The miseries of unfortunate lovers, which have been related by you, 

have so affected both my eyes and. heart, that I have long wished there might be an end of such tales. We may now be thankful that they are all over, unless I should add one to their number, which is no part of my design; I mean therefore to shift the scene, and to present you with a little mirth after all this sorrow, and which may serve as a good argument for tomorrow's discourse. 

You must understand, then, that not long since there lived at Salerno a famous doctor in surgery, called Master Mazzeo della Montagna, who in his old age had married a young and beautiful wife, of the same city. There being such a disproportion in their years, he spared no cost for clothes and jewels, and gratified her in all such things to the utmost of her wishes; so that in that respect she was far better off than any other lady in the city. But she was not to be so satisfied; and looking out amongst the young gentlemen of Salerno, she at last fixed upon one, on whom she settled her entire hope and affection; and he being made sensible of it, shewed the same regard for her. He was named Ruggieri da Jeroli, and came of a noble family, but had always been of a rakish disposition, on which account he had displeased all his friends so far, that none of them would see him, and he was now branded all over Salerno for everything that was vile and wicked. This had no weight with her, and by her maid's assistance they were brought together, when she reproved him for his past conduct, and desired, that, for her sake, he would leave off those wicked courses; and to take away all temptation, she supplied him from time to time with money. The affair being carried on in this manner between them with a good deal of caution, it happened that the doctor had a patient in the meantime, who had a bad leg; this, he told the person's friends was owing to a decayed bone, which he must take out to make a cure, otherwise the patient must either lose his leg, or his life; but in every way he looked upon it as a very doubtful case. The friends bade him do as he thought proper. Now the doctor, supposing that the patient would never be able to endure the pain without an opiate, deferred the operation till the evening; and in the meantime, ordered a certain water to be distilled, which, being drunk, would throw a person asleep as long as he judged it necessary in this particular case. This water being brought home to him, he set it in his chamber window without saying what it was. 

Now in the evening when he was to perform this operation, a messenger arrived from some very considerable persons at Malfi, who were his friends, charging him to come away instantly, for that there had been a great fray among them, in which many people were wounded. The doctor then put off the operation on the man's leg till the morning, and went in a boat directly to Malfi: whilst the lady knowing that he would be out all night, had her gallant brought privately into her chamber, where she locked him in, till certain persons of her family were gone to bed. Ruggieri, waiting thus in the chamber, expecting his mistress, and being extremely thirsty, whether from fatigue, or some salt meat that he had eaten, or rather from a bad habit which he had of drinking, happened to cast his eye upon the bottle of water, which the doctor had ordered for his patient, and imagining it something pleasant to drink, he took it all off at a draught, and in a little time he fell into a profound doze. The lady made what haste she could to her chamber, and finding him fast asleep, began, with a low voice, to try to wake him; but he making no reply, nor even stirring, she was much vexed, and shook him roughly, saying, "Get up, sluggard! If thou art disposed to sleep, thou shouldst have stayed at home, and not come to sleep here." He being pushed in that manner, fell down from a chest, on which he was sitting, upon the ground, and shewed no more sense or feeling than if he had been really dead. She was now under greater concern, and began to pull him by the nose, as well as twinge him by the beard, but it was all of no service; the enchantment was too strong. On this she really suspected him to be dead, and pinched and burned his flesh with the candle, till, finding all to no purpose, and being no doctress, although her husband was a doctor, she took it for granted he was a corpse. 

You may easily suppose what her grief now must be, as she loved Ruggieri beyond all the world. Not daring to make any noise, she for some time continued silently deploring her calamity: till fearing at last lest dishonour should follow, she thought some means must be contrived to convey him out of the house. Not knowing how to manage it herself, she called her maid and advised with her about it. The girl was in great surprise, and trying all means to rouse Ruggieri to no purpose, agreed with her mistress that he was certainly dead, and that it was best to get him away. " "But where can we carry him," said the lady, "that it may never be suspected tomorrow, when he shall be found, that he was brought from this house?" - "Madam," replied the maid, "I saw late this evening a good large chest, standing before a joiner's shop in our neighbourhood. If it be not taken into the house again, we may put him in there well enough, giving him two or three slashes with a pen-knife; whoever finds him will scarcely imagine that we should put him there rather than anywhere else; on the contrary, it will rather be supposed that he has been upon some bad exploit, because he has a general ill character, and that he was killed by his adversary, and so shut up in the chest." The lady approved of her maid's advice in everything save the wounding him, saying, that for all the world she would never consent to that: accordingly she sent her to see if the chest was still there. The maid brought her back word that it was; and, being stout and lusty, she took him on her shoulders, whilst the lady went first to see that nobody was in the way; and so coming to the chest, they threw him in, shut the lid, and left him there. 

The same day, as it chanced, two young men, who let out money upon interest, had taken a house a little farther on in the same street. Willing to gain much, and spend but little, and having need of household goods, they had taken notice of that chest the day before, and were resolved, if it should be left there all night, to steal it away At midnight, then, they went and carried it off, without at all examining its contents, though it seemed to be very heavy"; and, setting it down in a chamber where their wives lay, they went to bed. Now Ruggieri, by this time, had got the greatest part of his sleep over; and his draught being pretty well digested, and its virtue at an end, he awoke before morning. But though his senses were in some measure returned to him, yet was there a kind of stupefaction remaining, which continued not that night only, but for several days. He opened his eyes, however, and seeing nothing, groped about with his hands, and perceiving that he was shut up, he was in the utmost amazement, and said to himself - "What is the meaning of this? Where am I? Am I asleep or awake? I remember last night to have been in my mistress's chamber, and now methinks I am in a chest. What can it mean Ì Surely the doctor has returned, or some other accident has happened; and she, finding me asleep, put me in here: it can be nothing else." 

Upon that consideration he lay still, and began to listen if he could hear anything stir, and having lain for some time in an uneasy posture, as the chest was narrow, and that side being sore which he had pressed so long upon, he wished to turn upon the other; when, thrusting his back against one side of the chest, which stood upon an uneven place, he overset it, and down it came to the floor, with such a noise, that the women were awakened, and frightened out of their wits. Ruggieri upon this knew not what to think, but finding the chest open with the fall, he thought it better to get out if he could, than to stay within it; therefore he went groping up and down in the dark, to find some door or place to make his escape at. The women, hearing this, cried out, "Who is there?" But he, not knowing their voices, made no answer. Upon this they began to call their husbands, but they were so fast asleep, having been awake the greatest part of the night, that they heard nothing of the matter. 

They were then more terrified than before, and went to the window, calling out "Thieves! Thieves!" This brought together many of the neighbours, who forced their way into the house. The husbands also were roused by all this clamour, and seized upon poor Ruggieri, who was out of his wits almost with surprise to find himself in a place from which he saw no possibility of making his escape. By this time the city officers were drawn to the spot by the tumult and uproar. Into their hands, therefore, he was delivered, and was had by them before the provost, when he was immediately put to the rack, as he was one of bad character, and he confessed that he had got into the house with intent to rob it; whereupon the provost sentenced him to be hanged. 

That morning the news was carried all over Salerno, that Ruggieri was taken breaking into the usurers' house; which the lady and her maid hearing, were so astonished, that they could scarcely believe that what had happened the preceding night was real; whilst the lady was in such concern for her lover that she was almost distracted. Some few hours after the doctor returned from Malfi, when he inquired for his narcotic water, because he was then going to perform his operation and finding the bottle empty, he made a terrible hubbub, telling them that nothing in his house could stand untouched for them. The lady, who had something else that lay nearer her heart, replied with some warmth, "What would you say in anything of consequence, when you make such a stir about a little water?" The doctor then said, "My lady, you should consider this is no common water; it is water distilled to cause sleep;" and he further told her upon what account it was made. When she heard this, she guessed that Ruggieri had drunk it off, and that this was the cause of their having supposed him to be dead, and she added, “sir, we knew nothing of your intention, but if you please you can make more:" and he perceiving that there was no other remedy, did so. 

Soon afterwards the maid, whom she had sent to learn news of her lover, returned, and said, "Madam, there is nobody that speaks well of Ruggieri, whether relation or otherwise, or intends to give him any assistance; but all people agree that he will be hanged tomorrow: one thing, however, I have learnt, which is new; that is how he came into those usurers' house, which I will tell you. You know the joiner at whose door the chest stood, wherein we had put him; he has just had a warm dispute with another person, who, it seems, owned the chest, and who insisted that the joiner should pay for it: however, he replied that he had not sold it, but that it was stolen from him. The other answered, "It is a story, you sold it to two usurers, as they themselves told me this morning, when I saw it in their house at the time Ruggieri was taken." - " They are liars," quoth the joiner, "I never sold it them; but they stole it from me last night; let us go to them therefore." So away they went together, whilst I returned hither; hence it is easy to see that Ruggieri was carried in that manner to the place where he was taken; but how he came to himself afterwards is beyond my comprehension." 

The lady now plainly saw how the case stood, and told her maid what she had learnt from the doctor, begging that she would lend her assistance in promoting her lover's escape; for it was in her power at once to save his life, and her own honour. "Madam," the maid answered, "tell me only how, and I will do it with all my heart." 

The lady, as it was a thing that so nearly touched her, had all her wits about her, and gave the maid full instructions what she wished her to do: accordingly she went to the doctor, and began to weep, saying: "sir, I am come to ask your pardon for a great crime which I have committed towards you." The doctor asked what crime it was? She, still crying, replied, "You know what sort of a person Ruggieri da Jeroli is, who has been my sweetheart for this twelvemonth past, notwithstanding all his imperfections. Knowing last night that you were abroad, he wheedled me so far, that I brought him into your house, and took him up into my chamber to be all night with me; when, being thirsty, and I not knowing how to get him either any water or wine, without being seen by my mistress, who was then in the hall, I suddenly recollected to have seen a bottle of water in your chamber, which I fetched and gave him to drink, and set the bottle again where I found it; and I since understand that you have been in a great passion about it; I confess I did very ill; but who is there that some time or other does not act amiss? I am extremely sorry for it; not so much on account of the thing itself, as what has ensued; for it has brought him in danger of his life. Therefore, I earnestly beg your forgiveness, and that you would give me leave to go and assist him to the utmost of my power." 

The doctor, hearing this story, answered merrily, notwithstanding his former passion, "You have reason enough to be sorry upon your own account, for instead of having a brisk young fellow, you had nothing but a sluggard. You may go, then, and save the man if you can, but take care you do so no more; for if you do, I shall then pay you for all together." Having this answer, she thought she had made a good beginning: therefore she hastened to the prison, and persuaded the gaoler to let her speak to Ruggieri; when, having informed him what answers he was to make to the magistrate, if he meant to escape, she went thence to the judge, to whom she got introduced, and said to him, “sir, you have had Ruggieri da Jeroli before you, who was taken up for a thief; but the case is quite otherwise:" and then she related her whole story; how she had brought him into the doctor's house, how she had given him that narcotic water to drink without knowing it, and how he was put into the chest for dead: she afterwards told him what had passed between the joiner and owner of the chest, making it appear how he came into the usurers' house. 

The judge saw that it would be an easy thing to come at the truth of this matter; therefore, he first inquired of the doctor whether the story was true concerning the water, and found it exactly so: he then sent for the joiner and owner of the chest, as also the usurers, and after much examination it appeared that they had stolen the chest the foregoing night, and carried it home. Last of all, he had Ruggieri brought before him, when he being asked where he had lodged that night, he replied, that he could not tell where he actually did lie, but said, his intention was to have lain with the doctor's maid, in whose chamber he had drunk some water to quench his most violent thirst, but as for what became of him from that time, to the time of his awaking, and finding himself in the chest in the usurers' house, that he could give no account of. 

The judge was mightily pleased with their statements, and made them repeat their several stories over and over. At length, perceiving Ruggieri to be innocent, he gave him his liberty, and sentenced the usurers to pay a fine of ten crowns. It is easy to imagine what Ruggieri's joy now was, as well as that of the lady. They made themselves very merry together afterwards with the maid, for the slashes with her penknife, which she had meant to give him, still going on in the same mirth and pleasure from good to better; which I wish may happen always to myself, but never to be put into a chest. 

If the former novels had occasioned great grief and sorrow to the ladies, this last of Dioneo's made ample amends. But the king now perceiving that the sun was about to set, and that his sovereignty was therefore at an end, began to excuse himself for giving such a cruel subject to expatiate upon, as the unhappiness of lovers: then rising up he took the crown from his head, and whilst they were waiting to see to whom he would resign it, he put it upon Fiammetta saying, "I make choice of you, as one who knows better than any other person to comfort us, for what we have heard today, with tomorrow's mirth." 

Fiammetta, whose golden locks hung in long graceful ringlets over her white and delicate shoulders, her face round and beautiful with white and red, like lilies and roses blended together; her eyes like those of a falcon, with a little mouth, and lips like rubies: she, I say, said with a smile, "I willingly accept the sovereignty. Filostrato; and, to the end that you may better recollect yourself concerning what you have done hitherto, I will and command that every one be prepared to treat tomorrow upon what has happened happily to lovers, after certain cruel and unlucky accidents; "which proposal was agreeable to them all. Calling, then, the steward, and concerting with him what was most needful to be done, she gave them leave to depart till supper. Some, therefore, walked into the garden, the beauty of which was such, that they were never weary of it; others went to see the mill, and some went to one place, and some to another, according to their different inclinations; till the time being come, they all met together, as usual, by the fountain-side, where they supped with great elegance, and satisfaction to themselves. When that was over, they began to dance and sing: and as Filomena was leading up the dance, the queen said, "Filostrato, I do not intend to deviate from the example of my predecessors, but as they have done hitherto, so I intend to order a song; and as I am very sure that yours are like your novels, therefore, that no more of our days may be disturbed with your misfortunes, I desire you would give us one of those which pleases you most." 

Filostrato replied, "With all my heart;" and immediately began the following 

SONG. 

CHORUS. 

Sure, none can more your pity move. 

Than I, who am betray'd in love. 

When my poor wounded heart, 

For her of whom I now complain, 

First felt the am'rous smart, 

The greatest pain 

As nought I deemed: 

For she, since most unkind, 

Then all perfection seem'd 

But, ah! too late my error now I find. 

Sure, etc. 

For why? I see myself deceiv'd 

By her, my only hope and joy 

And when too fondly I believ'd, 

None so secure, so blest as I; 

All past engagements laid aside, 

To soothe a happier rival's pride. 

Sure, etc. 

Since my disgrace, 

I mourn and curse the day 

When her too beauteous face 

First stole my ravish'd heart away; 

Whilst my too easy faith and love 

An endless source of sorrow prove. 

Sure, etc. 

So great the grief. 

Which has my mind possest! 

That vain is all relief, 

And only death can give me rest; 

'Tis that shall all my sorrows close 

With a secure and long repose. 

Sure, etc. 

No other means remain 

To ease my pain! 

But, oh! when clos'd shall be these eyes, 

Within her breast 

Let ne'er one anxious thought arise 

Be she for ever blest! 

Sure, etc. 

Yet ere I go. 

Kind Cupid whisper in her ear 

That 'tis for her, 

I all these torments know: 

Perhaps she may repent her usage past, 

And grant my love a kind return at last. 

Sure none can more your pity move, 

Than I who am betrayed in love. 

Filostrato's sentiments, and the grounds of them, were plainly set forth in this song, and perhaps the lady's countenance who was engaged in the dance, would have made a farther discovery, if the darkness of the night had not concealed the blushes rising in her face; but the song being ended, as well as many others afterwards, and the hour of rest now drawing on, by the queen's command they all repaired to their several chambers.