8-6, Bruno, Buffalmacco, Calandrino, pig

NOVEL VI. 

Bruno and Buffalmacco steal a pig from Calandrino, and make a charm to find out the thief, with pills made of ginger and some sack; giving him, at the same time, pills made of aloes: thereby they make it appear that he had furtively sold the pig, and they make him pay handsomely, for fear they should tell his wife. 

After Filostrato's novel, which had made them all very merry, the queen turned to Filomena, who began thus: - As Filostrato was led to the last story by the mention of the name of Maso, in like manner has the novel concerning Calandrino and his two. companions brought to my mind another relating to the same two persons, which will, I think, afford you pleasure. Who these people were, it would be needless to say, because you had enough of that before. Therefore I shall begin by telling you that Calandrino had a little farm not far from Florence, which came to him by right of his wife; and amongst his other goods there, he used to have a pig fatted every year, and some time about December he and his wife went always to kill and salt it for the use of the family. Now it happened once, she being unwell at the time, that he went thither by himself to kill this pig; which Bruno and Buffalmacco hearing, and, knowing she was not to be there, they went to spend a few days with a great friend of theirs, a priest in Calandrino's neighbourhood. Now the pig had been killed the very day they came thither, and Calandrino seeing them along with the priest, called to them, and said, "Welcome, kindly; I would gladly have you see what a good manager I am." Then, taking them into the house, he showed them this pig. They saw that it was fat, and were told by him that it was to be salted for his family. “Salted, booby! “said Bruno. “sell it, let us make merry with the money, and tell your wife that it was stolen." - 

"No," said Calandrino, " She will never believe it; and besides, she would go near to turn me out of doors. Trouble me then no further about any such thing, for I will never do it." They said a great deal more to him, but all to no purpose; at length he invited them to supper, but did it in such a manner that they refused. After they had come away from him, said Bruno to Buffalmacco, 'suppose we steal this pig from him to-night." - "How is it possible?" - "O, I know well enough how to do it, if he does not remove it in the meantime from the place where we just now saw it." - "Then let us do it, and afterwards we and the parson will make merry over it." The priest assured them that he should like it of all things. "We must use a little art," quoth Bruno: "you know how covetous he is, and how freely he drinks always when it is at another's cost. Let us get him then to the tavern, where the parson shall make a pretence of treating us all, out of compliment to him; he will soon get drunk, and then the thing will be easy enough, as there is nobody in the house but himself." This was done, and Calandrino, finding that the parson was to pay, took his glasses off pretty freely, and getting his dose, walked home betimes, left the door open, thinking that it was shut, and so went to bed. Buffalmacco and Bruno went from the tavern to sup with the priest, and as soon as supper was over, they took proper materials with them to get into the house; but finding the door open, they carried off the pig to the priest's, and went to bed likewise. In the morning, as soon as Calandrino had slept off his wine, he rose, came down stairs, and finding the door open, and his pig gone, began to inquire of everybody if they knew anything of the matter, and receiving no tidings of it, he made a terrible outer)", saying, "What shall I do now? somebody has stolen my pig." Bruno and Buffalmacco were no sooner out of bed, than they went to his house to hear what he would say; and the moment he saw them, he roared out, "O, my friends, my pig is stolen! "Upon this Bruno whispered him, and said, "Well, I am glad to see you wise for once in your life." - "Alas! "quoth he, "it is too true." - "Keep still in the same story," said Bruno, "and make noise enough for every one to believe you." Calandrino now began to bawl louder, "Indeed! I vow and swear to you that it is stolen." - "That's right; be sure you let everybody hear you, that it may appear so." - "Do you think that I would forswear myself about it? May I be hanged this moment if it is not so! "- "How is it possible?" quoth Bruno; "I saw it but last night; never imagine that I can believe it." - "It is so, however," answered he, "and I am undone: I know not how to go home again, for my wife will never believe me, and I shall have no peace this twelvemonth." - "It is a most unhappy thing," said Bruno, "if it be true; but you know I put it into your head to say so last night, and you should not make sport both with your wife and us at the same time." At this he began to roar out afresh, saying "Good God! you make me mad to hear you talk; I tell you once for all that it was stolen this very night." - "Nay, if it be so," quoth Buffalmacco, "we must think of some way to get it back again." - " And what way must we take," said he, "to find it?" - "Depend upon it," replied the other, "that nobody came from the Indies to steal it; it must be somewhere in your neighbourhood, and if you could get the people together, I could make a charm with some bread and cheese, that would soon discover the thief." - "True," said Bruno, "but they would know in that case what you were about: and the person that has it would never come near you." - "How must we manage then?'said Buffalmacco. "Oh! "replied Bruno, "you shall see me do it with some pills of ginger, and a little wine, which I will ask them to come and drink. They will have no suspicion what our design is, and we can make a charm of these, as well as of the bread and cheese." - "Very right," quoth the other. "Well, what do you say, Calandrino? Have you a mind we should try it?" - "For Heaven's sake do," he said, "were I only to know who the thief is, I should be half comforted." -"Well, then," quoth Bruno, "I am ready to go to Florence for the things, if you will only give me some money." He happened to have a few shillings in his pocket, which he gave him, and off went Bruno. 

When he got to Florence, Bruno went to a friend's house, and bought a pound of ginger made into pills. He also got two pills made of aloes, which had a private mark that he should not mistake them, being candied over with sugar like the rest. Then having bought a jar of good wine, he returned to Calandrino, and said, "tomorrow you must take care to invite every one that you have the least suspicion of; it is a holiday, and they will be glad to come. We will complete the charm to-night, and bring the things to your house in the morning, and then I will take care to do and say on your behalf what is necessary upon such an occasion." Calandrino did as he was told, and in the morning he had nearly all the people in the parish assembled under an elmtree in the churchyard. His two friends produced the pills and wine, and making the people stand round in a circle, Bruno said to them, "Gentlemen, it is fit that I should tell you the reason of your being summoned here in this manner, to the end, if anything should happen which you do not like, that I be not blamed for it. You must know, then, that Calandrino had a pig stolen last night, and, as some of the company here must have taken it, he, that he may find out the thief, would have every man take and eat one of these pills, and drink a glass of wine after it; and whoever the guilty person is, you will find he will not be able to get a bit of it down, but it will taste so bitter that he will be forced to spit it out: so that, to prevent such open shame, he had better, whoever he is, make a secret confession to the priest, and I will proceed no farther." 

All present declared their readiness to eat, so placing them all in order, he gave every man his pill, and coming to Calandrino, he gave one of the aloe pills to him, which he straightway put into his mouth, and no sooner did he begin to chew it, than he was forced to spit it out. Every one was now attentive to see who spit his pill out, and whilst Bruno kept going round, apparently taking no notice of Calandrino, he heard somebody say behind him, "Hey-day! what is the meaning of its disagreeing so with Calandrino?" Bruno now turned suddenly about, and seeing that Calandrino had spit out his pill, he said, 'stay a little, honest friends, and be not too hasty in judging; it may be something else that has made him spit, and therefore he shall try another. “So he gave him the other aloe pill, and then went on to the rest that were unserved. But if the first was bitter to him, this he thought much more so: however, he endeavoured to get it down as well as he could, but it was impossible; it made the tears run down his cheeks, and he was forced to spit it out at last, as he had done the other. In the meantime Buffalmacco was going about with the wine; but when he and all of them saw what Calandrino had done, they began to bawl out that he had robbed himself; and some of them abused him roundly. 

After they were all gone, Buffalmacco said, "I always thought that you yourself were the thief, and that you were willing to make us believe the pig was stolen, in order to keep your money in your pocket, lest we should expect a treat upon the occasion." Calandrino, who had still the taste of the aloes in his mouth, fell a swearing that he knew nothing of the matter. "Honour bright, now, comrade," said Buffalmacco, "what did you get for it?" This made him quite desperate. Then Bruno struck in: "I was just now told," said he, "by one of the company, that you have a mistress in this neighbourhood to whom you are very kind, and that he is confident you have given it to her. You know you once took us to the plains of Mugnone, to look for some black stones, when you left us in the lurch, and pretended you had found them; and now you think to swear, and make us believe, that your pig is stolen, when .you have either given it away or sold it. You have put so many tricks upon us, that we intend to be fooled no more by you. Therefore, as we have had a deal of trouble in the affair, you shall make us amends, by giving us two couple of fowls, unless you mean that we should tell your wife." Calandrino now perceiving that he was not to be believed, and being unwilling to have them add to his troubles, by bringing his wife upon his back, was forced to give them the fowls, which they took to Florence along with the pork, leaving him there to brood over his losses and his ignominious discomfiture. 

THE SEVENTH DAY. NOVEL I. Gianni Lotteringhi, knocking, spirit

THE SEVENTH DAY. 

There was now not a star to be seen in the east, but that alone which we call bright Lucifer, which as yet shone gloriously in the dawning day; when the master of the household arose, and went with the necessary provisions to the Ladies' Valley, to have everything ready there, according to the king's command. Roused by the noise of the carriages, his majesty arose soon afterwards, and had all the company called, when they began their march just as the sun was appearing above the earth; lior did the nightingales and other birds ever seem to sing with such exquisite harmony as on that morning. Being ushered on their way by this music, they came to the Ladies' Valley, where, being saluted by choirs of many others, it appeared to them as if all the birds in the valley joined in concert to rejoice at their arrival. 

Now, viewing it all over again, it seemed much more delightful than the day before, as the gaiety of the morning was still more conformable to the beauty of its appearance. After a repast of wine and sweetmeats, not to be behind-hand with the birds, they began to sing, whilst the valley all around echoed back their songs; and the birds, unwilling to be out- done, replied in new and more ravishing notes. At the usual 

hour the table was spread under the shade of the trees, by the side of that beautiful lake, and during the whole time of dining they amused themselves with observing the fishes swimming before them, which afforded various matter for discourse. When the tables were removed, they fell again to singing as merrily as before. Beds having been prepared in different parts of the valley, made close like pavilions, the king gave leave for such as desired it to go to sleep, and the rest had liberty to amuse themselves in the meantime as usual. At the appointed time they met by the basin side, near where they had dined, and sitting down on the carpets, which were spread there for them, the king desired Emilia to begin, and she, with a smile, complied. 

NOVEL I. 

Gianni Lotteringhi hears a knocking at his door, and wakes his wife, who makes him believe it is a spirit, and they both go to conjure it away with a certain prayer, after which the noise ceases. 

Sir, I had much rather any one else had begun such a fine subject as this is, than myself; but, since it is your pleasure that I should be the first, I am ready to comply. I purpose, therefore, to relate what may be of use to you for the time to come; for, If other ladies are as timorous with regard to spirits as I am (although I know nothing certain about them, nor have I met with anybody yet that does), they will here learn a good and effectual prayer to drive them away. 

There dwelt formerly at Florence, in the street of St. Brancazio, a certain wool-comber, called Gianni Lotteringhi, one more fortunate in his trade than wise in other respects; for, being an easy sort of a man, he was frequently chosen a director of the singers in new St. Maria's church, when they had their meetings at his house, and other little favours they shewed him, upon which he greatly valued himself. This was because he gave considerable alms to the brethren there, and, in return for shoes, hoods, and cloaks, which they were daily getting from him, they presented him with the Pater Noster in the vulgar tongue, the song of St. Alexis, the lamentation of St. Bernard, the hymn of Lady Matilda, with more such sort of ware, which he set great store by, and kept carefully for his soul's health and welfare. Now he had a gay, handsome wife, called Tessa, the daughter of Mannuccio della Cuculia, an artful, sensible woman, who, knowing the simplicity of her husband, and being in love with Federigo di Neri, an agreeable young man, contrived with her maid that he should come to see her at a country house, which Gianni had, at a place called Camerata, where she used to pass the summer, her good man coming sometimes thither to sup, and stay all night, and return in the morning to his prayers and his shop. Accordingly, Federigo came and spent that night with her, when it was agreed between them, in order to avoid the trouble of always sending for him, that, as often as he went to and fro, he should look to a vineyard, which was by the side of the house, where he would see an ass's skull fixed upon one of the poles there, and when the snout was turned towards Florence he might safely come, send if the door was shut, upon knocking three times, she would let him in: but if it was turned towards Fiesole, he should then depart, for he might be assured her husband was with her at that time. 

By this contrivance they frequently had meetings. But one night it had happened, that, expecting Federigo to sup with her, she had provided a couple of fowls, when her husband chanced to come in late, at which she was greatly concerned, and they sat down together to a little bacon which she had boiled by itself, whilst she ordered the maid to carry, in a clean napkin, the fowls, with some eggs for sauce, and a bottle of wine, into the garden (to which there was a way without going through the house, and where she and her lover used frequently to meet), and to lay them under a certain peach-tree adjoining the fields. Unfortunately her hurry was so great, that she forgot to desire the maid to wait till Federigo came, to tell him that her master was then at home, and that he should take those things away with him. Therefore, Gianni and she being gone to bed, and the maid likewise, it was not long before Federigo came, and tapped gently at the door, which was so near to their chamber, that Gianni immediately heard it, as did his wife, who, to prevent any suspicion, pretended to be asleep. Presently he knocked a second time, at which Gianni was surprised, and began to jog her, saying, "Do not you hear? somebody knocks at our door." She, who heard it better than himself, pretended to wake out of her sleep, and said, "What is the matter?" - "I tell you," quoth he, "that I thought somebody was at our door." -"At our door!" She replied. "Alas! do you not know what that is? It is a spirit, which, for several nights past, has terrified me so that I have covered myself over head and ears in the bed-clothes, and not dared to look about me again till it was broad day-light." - "Go," quoth Gianni, "why should you be afraid if it is so? For, before we went to bed, I said the Te Lucis, and the Intemerata, with divers other good prayers, and I signed all the bed-posts with the cross, so that it can have no power over us." The lady now, to prevent Federigo's taking any offence at her, thought it best to get up, and let him understand, by some means or other, that Gianni was there: therefore she said to her husband, "What you have done may have secured yourself; but, for my part, I shall not think myself safe, unless we conjure it down now you are here." - "Conjure it down!" quoth Gianni; " how is that to be done?" - "Oh!” said she, "I know how to do it; for the other day, when I went to Fiesole for a pardon, one of those recluses, a most religious lady, seeing me afraid, taught me a certain prayer, which, she assured me, she had often tried to good purpose before she was a nun. Alas! I could never have the boldness to make use of it alone; but, as you are now with me, we will go together, and repeat it." Gianni declared that he was willing, and so they went softly to the door, whilst Federigo began to be uneasy at waiting there so long. "Now," said she to Gianni, "you must take care to spit when I desire you." - "I will," he replied. She then began her charm, and said, 'spirit, spirit, as you came, the same way you may go; but look in the garden, and you will find two fowls, some eggs, and a bottle of wine; drink of the wine, and go away, and hurt not me, nor my Gianni." Having done this, she said to her husband, “spit, dear Gianni." Accordingly, Gianni spit. Federigo, who was without, and heard all this, was relieved from his jealousy, and, notwithstanding his disappointment, he had much ado to keep from laughing out, saying to himself, "I wish you had spit out your teeth." 

She repeated the charm three times, and then they went to bed. Federigo, who depended upon supping with his mistress, and was fasting, went to the peach-tree, found the capons, wine, and eggs, carried them home, and made a good supper; and the next time they were together, they made themselves very merry about the charm. 

Now some people tell the story otherwise; they say that the ass's head was turned towards Fiesole, but a labourer in the vineyard gave it a turn by chance with his stick, and so set it the wrong way, which occasioned Federigo's coming at that time; and that the charm she made use of was, “spirit, spirit, go away in God's name; it was not I, but somebody else, that turned the ass's head. Plague on him, whoever it was; but I am here, with my husband:" also that the lover went away without his supper. But a certain old lady, a neighbour of mine, told me, that both stories were true, as she had heard when she was a child, and that the latter did not happen to Gianni Lotteringhi, but to one called Gianni di Nello, just such another simpleton as Gianni Lotteringhi. Then pray, ladies, take which charm you like best: both have been of service to others in this sort of cases, as you have heard. Try them and they may be as useful to yourselves.