NOVEL VI.

NOVEL VI. 

A plain honest man, by a casual jest, very shrewdly reproves the hypocrisy of the clergy. 

EMILIA, whose turn came next (the witty reproof given by the marchioness to the king of France, being approved by the whole assembly), began in this manner: - I will not conceal a most stinging reproof given by an honest simple man to a most sordid and avaricious monk, which you will both commend and laugh at. 

There was, not long since, a friar belonging to the Inquisition, who, though he laboured much to be righteous and zealous for the Christian faith, had yet a much keener eye after those who had full purses, than after those who held heterodox opinions. By his great diligence in this way, he soon found out a person better stored with money than sense. This man, not so much out of profaneness as want of thought, and perhaps overheated with liquor into the bargain, unluckily said to one of his companions, that he had better wine than Christ himself ever drank. This was reported to the inquisitor, and he, understanding that the man's estate was large, and that he was full of money, sent all his myrmidons, had him seized, and began a prosecution, not so much with a design to amend him in matters of faith, as to ease him of part of his money, as he soon did. The man being brought before him, he inquired whether that was true which had been alleged against him. The poor man immediately answered, that it was, and told him in what manner the words were spoken. Thereupon the most holy inquisitor (devoted to St. John with the golden beard) retorted: "What! dost thou make Christ a drunkard, and curious in the choice of wines, like common sots and frequenters of taverns? and now wouldst thou excuse it as a small matter? It may seem so to thee; but I tell thee, should I proceed with the rigour of justice, thou wouldst be burnt alive for it." With these and such-like words, as if he had to do with a downright atheist, he so terrified the poor wretch, that he was forced to have recourse to a little of St. John's golden grease, - a most sovereign remedy (although it be not mentioned by Galen in his book of medicines) against the pestilential avarice of the clergy, especially of the lesser friars, who are forbidden the use of money. With that unguent the poor man anointed the inquisitor's hands to such purpose, that the fire and faggot, with which he had been threatened, were changed into a cross, which, being yellow and black, seemed like a banner designed for the holy land. The money being paid, he was to stay there for some time, being ordered, by way of penance, to hear mass in the church of the holy cross every morning, to visit the inquisitor also at dinner-time, and to do nothing the rest of the day but what he commanded; all which he performed punctually. One morning it happened, that, during mass, the gospel was read, wherein were these words: - "You shall receive a hundred for one, and so possess eternal life;" words of which he kept fast hold in his memory. That same day he waited on the inquisitor at dinner-time, as he had been commanded, and the latter asked him, whether he had heard mass that morning. "Yes, sir," replied the man very readily. "Hast thou heard anything therein," quoth the inquisitor, "as to which thou art doubtful, or desirous to ask any questions?” No, surely," said the honest man, "and I believe all that I have heard most stead-fastly; only one thing I remember, which occasions great pity in me for you and the rest of your brethren, as to what will become of you in the other world." - "And what are those words, which make you pity us so much?" - "O, good sir," said the man, "do you remember the words of the gospel? "You shall receive a hundred for one?'" 

- "Well, what of them?" quoth the inquisitor. "I will tell you, sir - ever since I have been here, have I seen sometimes one, and sometimes two great cauldrons of broth, given out of your great abundance every day to the poor, after you and your brethren have been sufficiently regaled. Now, if for every one of these you are to receive a hundred, you will all of you be drowned in broth! " This set the whole table in a roar, and the inquisitor was quite confounded, knowing it to be a satire upon their great hypocrisy; and were it not that he had been much blamed for his former prosecution, he would have given the man more trouble: he ordered him, therefore, in a rage, to go about his business, and not come near him any more.